Published: 7 June, 2012
by RICHARD OSLEY

APPARENTLY old Joe who used to run the fish shop down Kilburn High Road is closer to getting a game for England than Rio Ferdinand.

And he’s not actually English, he’s Irish. And he’s old and retired.

And he knows a lot more about trout than playing football.

And he exists only for this column.

Old Joe, Gus Caesar (wherever he is now), Huw Edwards, Kris Akabusi, Iggle Piggle, anybody, name anybody and I’ll tell you they have got a better chance than Rio.

On the current evidence, you wouldn’t be surprised by Team England rejecting Rio and calling up Prince Philip, who the BBC commentators praised on Sunday as being commendable for “standing straight as a ramrod” – actual quote, must mean he’d be good for the back four – for all those hours on that jubilee boat.

This was a day before heading to hospital with a bladder infection, but even so.

Truth is, the old Duran Duran song: His name is Rio and he watches from the stands… applies again.

Faced with a headache, new England manager Roy Hodgson chose Martin Kelly, a made-up player on Football Manager, to replace injured Gary Cahill. How insulting is that? Rio deserves better. He is the obvious choice.

He should have been first reserve if he could not be accommodated in the main squad in the first place.

It is debatable as to whether Ferdinand is better than John Terry, although a case can be made against Terry for lots of reasons, not least the way his hot temper hindered Chelsea against Barcelona at the pressure moment.

Joleon Lescott showed he was capable of brain cramps on the last day of the season, Phil Jones had the occasional nap for Man United over the season and who really knows about Phil Jagielka?

So, why not Rio? He has been humiliated by Hodgson in the last few days and, in acting this way, England have allowed their campaign to be initially defined by the case between Terry and Ferdinand’s brother, still a matter for the courts.

No matter what is said about Rio’s capabilities, there is a natural perception by everybody watching that Rio has in some form lost out because of something he had no fault in.

If there was a moment for sweeping cuts, Hodgson could have swept the lot out until the legal process is over.

When Steve McClaren kicked off his pathetic reign as England manager, he played the big-I-am card by dropping David Beckham, who we could all see still had something to give.

Hodgson has never in the past come across as someone like that, but people are fearing a similar mess.

Ferdinand’s “what I did on my summer holidays” tweets are almost painful, as he tries to convince us that life goes on and it doesn’t matter really. What he did on his summer holidays should have been a trip to eastern Europe.