Published: 2 August, 2012
by RICHARD OSLEY

TWENTY things we have learned from the Olympics so far:

1. Isambard Kingdom Brunel (or the smugaroo Kenneth Branagh version of Isambard Kingdom Brunel) had the same sideburns as super champion cyclist Bradley Wiggins.

2. There is a country called Guam.
Go on Guam.

3. Trevor Nelson’s family were part of the opening ceremony.

4. Medals for British competitors are not confirmed until Ed Miliband sends an awkwardly phrased tweet of congratulations.

5. Lord Coe’s idea of Olympic venues being “stuffed to the gunwales” is different from others… although who the fudge has ever spoken like that apart from Sir Francis Drake?

6. Tom Daley, Mark Cavendish and Becky Adlington are stars regardless of whether they finish third, fourth or 20-something.

7. Rowing. We all love rowing.
Who knew?
8. Sniper-sighted BBC camera people can spot a crying athlete from half a mile away. Look out for tear-cam.

9. GB’s women’s football team are more exciting than GB’s men’s football team.

10. The Locog is the world’s most popular sports website with
11 million hits an hour. Now, why would that be?

11. The bike race would have been more fun if they had stuck to the original course in Kentish Town and Hampstead, as Highgate West Hill is the real Alpe d’Huez.

12. Mark Lawrenson can sound mournful and miserable whether it’s Euro 2012 or the Olympics. Quite a feat.

13. Badminton can be interesting, but not in the way we thought.

14. There is more anger about a British athlete who have been suspended in the past for doping being at the Games than a British cyclist suspended in the past for doping being at the Games.
15. Falling off in the gymnastics can be a “dismount”.

16. According to his newspaper column, Boris Johnson thinks women “glisten like otters” when they play beach volleyball. No need to add anything else here, folks.

17. Culture secretary Jeremy Hunt needs a new bell.

18. If a journalist, let’s say the BBC’s sports editor, asks Mark Cavendish a silly question, he’ll respond with: “Stop asking stupid questions. Do you know anything about cycling?”

19. Despite rumours of being short on money, every national newspaper has got at least four people writing hilariously-funny “colour” pieces from the beach volleyball and the weightlifting. They look funny, the weightlifters.

20. You can tear the field apart like Lord, King Bradley Wiggins and be hailed a hero. Tear the field apart in the swimming pool and the Americans will question whether you did it fairly.
richard Osley