Published: 18 July, 2013
by RICHARD OSLEY

YOU know you’re taking sport too seriously when you start fretting about whether Stuart Broad is setting a good example to the omnipresent “youngsters out there watching”.

You’ll know their case: He’s a cheat. He should have walked. He knew he was out. WHAT KINDA MESSAGE DOES IT SEND TO THE KIDS? THEY WILL GROW UP INTO HORRIBLE PEOPLE NOW. ALL BECAUSE OF STUART BROAD. IAN BOTHAM WOULD HAVE WALKED, HE’D HAVE WALKED TO JOHN O’GROATS. STOP SHOUTING. I CAN’T.

Broad’s ridiculous escape in the first test of the Ashes series became the endless talking point of the match, but steady on everyone.

For me Broad deserves a teensy bit of credit if anything. To see the ball bounce off his bat and clearly into the hands of an Australian slip and to not release an accidental “oh shoot” from his lips – the obvious giveaway – was a perfected skill most of us can’t achieve when facing far less pressure-soaked moments.

I accidentally broke the pipe on the Hoover the other day but my expletive-laden reaction – oh shooting shooting fudging shoot… fudging thing! – heard three streets away immediately ruled out the commonplace strategy of blaming all breakages on kids, animals and undetected earthquakes.
Broad is equipped with a much calmer temperament, the ultimate double bluffer. The heartbreaker just stood there.

He looks such a nice young chap but that was cold-stone marvellous.

For those who think just styling it out like a dude was a poor example to “the youngsters just getting into the game”, relax a little.

Kids just getting into the game either want to a) smash the ball as hard as they can or b) do a diving catch. Everybody likes a diving catch.

What they don’t want is to spend too long fielding with nothing to do and then get shouted at for not concentrating when a ball is hit vaguely near them (…was that just me when we were young?)

And the kids don’t stand around dreaming of the chance to recreate Broad’s lucky escape and wondering what to do if an umpire doesn’t put his finger up after an obvious catch. All they want to know is if they can hit a cricket ball further than their mates and, if they can’t, they want someone to tell them how they can.

Broad’s moment at the crease was not a tutorial. And besides, cricket needs the Ashes and the Ashes needs a bit of needly, non-walking bite.

Of course, there’s something uniquely glorious about beating the Australians at anything, but particularly something they insist rabidly they are good at (it’s hollow if they are defeated at football because the Socceroos always Loseroos).

For people who are always telling us about their more chilled out way of life, how sunny it is, how brilliant Australia is, how brilliant they are, how you can buy Vegemite, how they know how to fix Hoovers no problem mate, it’s amazing how many Australians don’t actually want to live there. They prefer Shepherd’s Bush.

But that’s a story for another day.

Until then, fair dinkum Stuart Broad. Not all of us would have been able to pull that off.