Published: 9 November, 2012

YOU know this column to be sassy, topical and – above all – quick-witted.

Over the years it has thrived on the switcharoo-style gag, twisting you one way, then another.

Absolutely thrived.

But this week the barrel is dry.

Naturally, and as you would have expected from me, I have been looking for an opening switcharoo gag to link Arsene Wenger’s performance with Barack Obama’s momentous election win this week, but it’s just not working.

Not a bean.

I’ll never get on telly like this.

The notes in my pad read: “It was a week when a leader who burst onto the scene with such initial promise was vindicated after being accused of not living up to the hype.

“So well done Arsene Wenger for the draw in Germany which puts Arsenal in line for yet another qualification from the group stages of the Champions League. Unlike, Man City.

“Some thought he was too foreign-sounding to be really accepted in the modern game… But that’s enough about the way Barack Obama has changed American politics.

“His apparent plans for cuts to the defence budget were criticised…”

And you get the idea with that. Maybe the clunkiness of these failed gags is that Obama and Wenger do not have enough similarities to crowbar together. Maybe voters aren’t ready to agree to four more years of Wenger.

RICHARD OSLEY

WE all have our off days so I won’t mention Canaries or pie eaters.

I prefer to dwell on the lighter side of life. Which is why I’m always glad to see Martin Keown’s lovely mug on the box.

Old Marty had me and gran in stitches on Saturday when he revealed that when he said Arsenal would be OK without RVP, he didn’t mean on the pitch. He meant, erm, emotionally. Course he did.

I for one am delighted to know that it’s just the fans and not the players who’ve been rocking silently in their Gunnersaurus sleep-suits every night since Robin started knocking them in for Man United at a rate the entire Arsenal team can only dream of.

Sadly there is still one player who seems to miss the Dutchman as much as the fans – Andre Santos.

Why else did the poor chap drag the shirt off Bobbin’s back before they’d even sucked on a half-time orange?

Gran reckoned the defender (I use the term loosely) knew he’d played a stinker and wasn‘t expecting to return for the second half. Of any match. Again. She could have a point.

Trouble is, of course, that indulging in such antics at the home of the club that put paid to their Invincibles is not the kind of behaviour Gooners expect from their players.

However rubbish they are. Love him or loathe him, can you ever imagine Keown doing that?
CATHERINE ETOE