Published: 18 August, 2011

ARSENAL
THERE is a certain amount of distasteful glee among the football press and beyond for the clouds over Arsenal.

Everybody is pointing and laughing at Arsene Wenger, cackling like a ring of school bullies in the playground picking on a child for being good at maths.

Wenger, the weakling on the beach of the superich, is well and truly having sand kicked in his face.

His lunch money is being stolen and his tie is being stapled to his history homework.

Somebody even stole his Eboue.

Yet, ironically, these same laughing faces will be the same clueless dweebs who, at the end of the season, will moan that Manchester City have bought the trophies that are likely to be in their cabinet.

Don’t blame the laughing people – they haven’t worked out the two are linked.

They haven’t realised every laugh is an endorsement of Manchester City.

We are at the crossroads. You get mocked if you try to stick to some level of financial fair play, nurturing a future England captain in the process (Not Jenkinson, Wilshere).

And you get rightly hated if you play pick and mix with the world’s best players at stupid prices.

Having three £20million players in every position is grotesque – we should all support whoever Man City are playing.

In the meantime, laugh away people.

Laugh at Arsenal.

Stamp on Wenger’s reading glasses.

You are laughing at the slow death of the game you love with every last giggle. Ha. Ha. Ha-de-ha.
RICHARD OSLEY

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR
AFTER the many atrocities that have riddled our world these last few weeks, it’s the return of another football season.

We welcome back the revived rivalries, the joy, the pain, and the recriminating looks from our partners.

The season was a non-starter for Spurs fans after our game against Everton was cancelled by one of the aforementioned atrocities, but we can now finally join in the fun.

We should rejoice that Robbie Keane has fulfilled yet another boyhood dream and gone for a reputed £3.5million to that professional and rather lucrative retirement home that is Major League Soccer.

More depressing though is the fact that Luka Modric wants to fulfil his boyhood dream with a move to Chelsea.

Just when did you have that dream Luka?

I say slap him on the bench for the remainder of his contract and make him train with the reserves! The only way players will respect the contracts they sign is if there are consequences.

How can you ask for the moral and financial support of your fans when they don’t know if the name they’ve just got printed on the back of their shirts will have time to dry? Ludicrous Luka! I won’t boo you, but I won’t sing your name either.  

Another dilemma awaits Tottenham fans as Emmanuel Adebayor could be on his way to the Lane.

What happens when he scores against the Arsenal? Because you know he will. Could you, would you sing his name?

For the record, I would.
TONY DALLAS