Published: 30 January, 2014

JUAN a Mata You? He’s gone where? Moan USA? Why, why, why would our Juan do that?

We love Juan Mata and he loves us. We were going to grow old together and have fun taunting full backs and flapping goalkeepers.

No one I have loved in the shimmering Blue shirt has left us for domestic competitors since Pat Nevin, Gordon Durie and David Speedie, and to be fair to them, Stamford Bridge in the 1980s was a less appealing place. But now? Why would you want to? Especially to Manchester?

I can appreciate the allure of Catalonia and Madrid but Manchester? 99.9 per cent of Moanchester USA’s own fans refuse to live there!

Imagine the look on poor Juan’s face; he leaves the mighty metropolitan that is London, acknowledged by all as the epicentre of the free world, and tips up in the grey, one restaurant*, rain battered wasteland that is England’s third city. I am even starting to empathise with those other pro whingers in red, the Gooners.

They’ve been losing their best players with monotonous regularity for years, but at least their escapees can be excused for moving in search of some silverware.

Good luck Mata, you’ll always have a place in our blue hearts.

*According to Carlos Tevez, I couldn’t possibly comment.

BRUCE MACRAE, Chelsea fan, NW3