Eberechi Eze [Jay Patel/SPP]

I WANT you to think of a word I can’t use in print for somebody you don’t like – and, to beat the censors, we’ll use the first cute animal that comes to mind instead.

Because it’s important for you all to realise that Arsenal, right now, are a “no chipmunk” team.
It dawned on me when I heard Spurs fans magnanimously say they had no grudges towards Eberechi Eze – even though he had just scored a hat-trick against them in the north London derby.

Given he publicly chose the red side of north London after getting all sorts of hopes up at Tottenham, you’d think there would be some Sol-ish animosity. Instead, the supporters were saying things like: I hate to say it because he’s a Gooner, but I do like Eze.

There’s something too dreamy about the story: a player who cried when he was let go by Arsenal as a teenager, tweeted that he was going to make it anyway, and eventually ended up back at the club his family had always supported.

After jilting Tottenham at the altar, he might have been a public enemy – a right chipmunk – but given the white flag they raised after about 10 seconds of Sunday’s one-sided “football match,” even Spurs supporters seemed to accept that Eze had made a perfectly reasonable decision not to want to play with Richarlison and co. Plenty of people think Richarlison is a bit of a chipmunk himself – something about the way he hauls off his top and does a chicken dance just before Tottenham concede.

And most clubs do have a chipmunk. The panto villain player fans of other teams love to hate. The wind-up merchant. The one who moans too much or leaves a foot in a little too late.

Manchester United have Bruno Fernandes – a grade-A chipmunk. Chelsea bought a chipmunk off United when they signed Alejandro Garnacho.

Newcastle have loads, but let’s limit it to Anthony Gordon and Bruno Guimarães. You know the type. Start with the keepers and move on from there: Jordan Pickford, Emi Martínez…

But Arsenal, right now, are chipmunk-free.

You hear rival fans admit it: “Declan Rice – he seems all right actually.” “Saka – good guy.”
“Calafiori – he’s hot.”

And now, the people’s favourite, your universal hero: Eberechi Eze.