ARSENAL
SO, Wales are going to have their first team in the Champions League. Gareth Bale FC.

No, let’s not do this. You know the drill on that one. Even Spurs are aware of their utter one-man-teamyness.

Anyways, we need to talk about Brian Coleman. For those unaware of his work, he’s a controversial politician in Barnet who used to be the mayor over there.

Like a radio shock jock fishing for listeners he thrives on headline-grabbing simplicity.

On Sunday – with Barnet FC’s body still warm from being relegated from the Football League – he wrote: “If I had the power I would be ordering that the church bells in Barnet be rung this morning in celebration of the relegation of Barnet Football Club from the Football League. I know I am not the only Conservative adding a little Champagne to my orange juice over breakfast this morning.”

Now, there is a time and a place for gloating. You see people gloating how they’ve got better food than you by posting pictures of their dinners on the web.

That’s fair gloating. They’ve got a big steak and you haven’t. It’s not a big deal. It is fair to gloat too when you win at pool, hit the bin with a scrunched up piece of paper or get the seat at the front of the top deck on the bus.

But oh Councillor Coleman, Sir, your gloating here shows a lack of understanding for a football supporter’s frailties. If the old cliché is correct, that football is like a religion, you have blasphemed hard here.

Whatever the politics, all football fans may think you’ve gone too far this time.
RICHARD OSLEY

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR
RUMOURS that Arsene Wenger may pack up his slug coat and get the first train to Paris were quashed this week.

Instead, the word at Asenal is that Arsene is “happy as Larry” at the Emirates. Now this may not be relevant, but I know a Gooner called Larry, and I can’t say he‘s been too happy there lately.

In fact, if you were to combine the words “well”, “slapped” and “bum” together you’d know exactly how happy Larry’s face looks these days.

Can’t say I‘m surprised, Larry’s team did have to line up like a bunch of losers to pat league winner RVP on the back on Sunday.  

And poor old Larry did get a bit of a ribbing when news filtered through that Gareth Bale had won all the PFA gongs.

Turns out Larry had taken that daft “In Arsene We Trust” motto a bit too far and put a tenner on Michael Carrick to win instead.

The last we saw of Larry, he was gloomily scanning the corrections page of some liberal newspaper with a magnifying glass in the hope that the report saying no Arsenal players had made the PFA team of the year contained a typo.

It didn’t.

Of course, Larry thinks he’ll still have the last laugh because Arsenal will win the race to fourth and we’ll lose the man who did the PFA double.

But Larry might end up laughing on the other side of his face. After all, if Bale can play for Spurs and still finish the season needing a bigger trophy

cabinet than Luka Modric at Real Madrid, maybe it’s not such a bad place to be after all?
CATHERINE ETOE