Published: 25 July, 2013
by STEVE BARNETT

IF you have a problem. If no one else can help. And if you can find the chequebook, maybe you can hire. . . The Won’t Pay Team.

You can picture Arsene Wenger now, kicking back in his recliner as he waits for Skype to connect him to the Arsenal board.

This time, however, the approach is very different. Sir Chips Keswick answers and the Gunners chairman confirms that the club is ready to splash £40million. “Non,” Wenger commands, putting his little finger to his lips in his best Dr Evil impression, “add… one more pound!”

The unusual offer of £40,000,001 for Liverpool forward Luis Suarez is either oh so smart, or oh so sneaky.

In fact, it’s probably both.

Liverpool owner John W Henry responded by tweeting: “What do you think they’re smoking over there at the Emirates?” Arsenal fans will be hoping that with a smirk befitting the A-Team’s Hannibal Smith, Wenger is smoking a celebratory stogie.

It’s unclear whether Henry was talking about the Gunners’ attempts to sign Suarez, their valuation of the player, or that crafty extra pound that has created such a stir.

What we do know is that the carefully placed package was designed to trigger a clause in the 26-year-old Uruguay striker’s contract that means Liverpool had to inform him that a bid had been made.

Of course, there will be conspiracy theorists who claim that the added pound was to serve no other purpose than to make the player force a move.

So there is little surprise that stories are already circulating. PoundGate has officially started amid reports Suarez was demanding talks with the Liverpool board with a view to forcing a move to north London.

But like all conspiracies, there has to be a cover-up, a sleight of hand leading the audience away from the startling truth.

That truth is, Arsenal fans, that, yet again, your club doesn’t know what it’s doing. With the new season just weeks away there have been no strides forward to transform a squad built to finish fourth into Premier League champions.
If the Suarez deal falls through, or Real Madrid come calling, what is Plan B?

Gonzalo Higuain has opted for Napoli, Chelsea target Wayne Rooney looks closer to Old Trafford than he does the Emirates and Radamel Falcao and Edinson Cavani have already found new homes.

So all that was left was for Arsenal to make a bank-breaking offer for Suarez in the hope that it would distract everybody from noticing that while the best players are being snapped up by their rivals, Arsenal are once again standing still.

Deals should have been made the second the transfer window opened, with the board assuring fans that the trophy drought wasn’t going to stretch any further. Instead, fans are having sleepless nights that come transfer deadline day, Sky’s infamous yellow strap will yield breaking news that the Gunners have signed Darren Bent, Loic Remy or – at best – Demba Ba.

Or what if Liverpool actually cave in and let their best player move south.

Is Suarez, as a lone signing, enough to drag Wenger’s side back into title contention?

Will the fans be happy that a player with such a stained profile is wearing their badge?

Arsenal need at least three players before they boast a squad capable of being called champions.

With time running out, Gooners can only hope that Wenger has a plan. And, more importantly, that it’s a plan that comes together!