Published: 25 September, 2015
by STEVE BARNETT

SO it seems the real reason Arsene Wenger didn’t make any big-money summer signings has finally been revealed with reports claiming that the Frenchman is being divorced. 

As anyone who has tackled such an emotionally draining occasion will tell you, it’s not a time to sign anything put under your nose. Not without being super cautious at least, because if you get caught out your Thierry Henry and Patrick Vieira’s will quickly become your Joel Campbell and Mikel Arteta’s. Hmm, are we sure Wenger hasn’t already been divorced? 

Well the one thing that is for sure is that as one of the best paid managers in Europe Wenger isn’t going to go hungry when he signs his alimony cheque every month – although to be on the safe side he might just want finally to learn how to zip his jacket up, ya know… for all those cold winter nights. 

Providing he didn’t take any divvying up tips from Ray Parlour, Wenger will still be able to treat himself to a Costa on payday, which brings me to the big talking point of the weekend. 

Chelsea’s villainous Spaghetti Western striker, Dirty Diego, is leaving rival fans with such a bitter taste in their mouths that they’re not even stopping off for their morning coffee on the way to work any more. 

Now some people, not mentioning any Bruce MacRaes (see YourShout) will tell you that before Dirty Diego there was Vieira, and no doubt that before Vieira there was Roy Keane and so on. 

But those foot-ball breakers weren’t sneaking around the pitch waiting for the referee to look the other way. 

They were rampaging around the pitch in full view bullying, battering and bulldozing opponents into retirement. 

Referees weren’t keeping an eye on them just in case they did something wrong, they were keeping an eye on them so that they knew when to get out of the way! 

Chelsea fans have got it into their heads that Costa is being turned into a panto villain because he’s a bully – when the fact is it’s actually because he’s a sneaky coward. A striker who will hide, ashamed, in the shadows hoping that nobody will see his little stamps and stray elbows. 

If Vieira or Keane suddenly decided they wanted a kick about, or to play football again for that matter, my hunch is that Dirty Diego would jump on his horse and ride off into the sunset faster than Arsenal fans coming out of the woodwork to tell you how important the Capital One Cup is after all.