“HELLO, is that the open-top bus company?”
“No. There hasn’t been an open-top bus company here for, why, 50 years. We are a gastropub now, but we serve lovely grape and brie things.”
“Oh, I must update our records. I’m sorry. I can hardly read old Bill’s handwriting down here.”
Three minutes pass. . .
“Hello, I’ve been looking online, are you the open-top bus company – the one the Arsenal invincibles used, and the one Chelsea hired after the Champions League?”
“Yes. That’s us. What do you want ringing us in October?”
“Oh, um, could we book an open-top bus for Monday?”
“Well, we’d have to get one out of the garage; we normally only have them ready around May time.”
“Can’t you make an exception for us? We have, after all, made history. We have thousands of hundreds of hysterical fans who need greeting in the streets. We need a PARADE!”
“Whatever. I’ll email you a quote over.”
“Wonderful. You’ll need our name. . . It’s Tottenham. Hotspur. Football. Club.”
OK, so this is all a little far-fetched. But did you see the Spurs fans’ reaction to the win at Old Trafford on Saturday? A first win there since 1989, a time so long ago Thatcher was on the throne. Heck, Jack Wilshere was aged minus three. The giddy excitement was as if Spurs had trumped all British sporting achievements this year – the Olympics, Andy Murray, the Ryder Cup team, everyone.
Then, it was Monday.
Another week of Europa League football began.
Richard osley

KEEP smiling Gooners, “Five Game Invincibles” doesn't sound that bad. OK, it's not quite as good as Sunderland, but at least it's better than Wigan.
Not sure what your defence got up to with Steve Bould's washing line in training last week though. Skipping the Double Dutch or the Can Can perhaps?
Whatever it was, Saturday's debacle suggests that it certainly wasn't learning to defend like George Graham's boring, boring but successful Arsenal.
Maybe next time your lot should use the magic defending rope to tie hero to zero Koscielny's legs together before kick off. But that probably counts as bullying so maybe not.
Now if it was proper defending you were after on Saturday you should have held off hiding your heads under your Gunnersaurus duvets until after Spurs had outclassed Manchester United at Old Trafford.
Yep, we didn't just make Ferdinand, Scholes and Giggs wish they'd stayed in their hotel beds with a tub of Ralgex and a cup of warm cocoa, we made Fergie fume and Robin van Persie look about as sharp a shooter as Dave Giroud. Oh, and we made history. Apparently. I beg to differ , as we all know, Spurs actually broke their Old Trafford hoodoo in 2005 on the day Roy Carroll turned the Theatre of Dreams into the Theatre of Cheating Keepers.
Think being denied 30 seconds of time added on is tantamount to daylight robbery you Man U moaners? Come back to us when you've really been robbed.
catherine etoe