Published: 12 December, 2013

THERE is a wonderful idea that you could win the European Champions League by sort of wafting your way through, without ever playing anybody hard.

That somehow you can be crowned the continent’s best team by piddling around playing Olympiakos and PSV Eindhoven endlessly.

It’s a dream, folks. The Champions League is hard, very hard, and that's why only the best teams get in it and Spurs don’t.

Brothers, sisters, Arsenal’s qualification from a group (of death), that the telly mugs said they would fail at, is something to celebrate. They are among Europe’s best 16 teams again.

When Spurs players suck their thumbs, stare at the night sky and dream about what this competition must be like, they say to themselves two things: 1) awww, that Champions League theme music must be amazing to hear, and 2) we want to be playing the likes of Barca and Real Madrid, not Sheriff Malarky and Tromso.

And yet, when Arsenal get drawn to play these big boys, these giants of the game, the Gunners fans get prickly.

It’ll be Barca, they cry.

I betchu any money it will Barca.

IT WILL BE BARCA.

Folks, if it isn’t Barca this time, it will be Barca next time.

Or the time out.

Everybody should have worked that out from the time Arsenal did get to the final, and lost to Barca.

I’d rather Arsenal had it out with Barca right now, rather than either losing to someone lesser or getting through the tournament and then losing to Barca anyway later down the line.

It will save time in the long run.

And energy.

And, get us, we’ve got a championship title race to take part in, don’t you know.
RICHARD OSLEY

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR
SO there you have it.

The pundits say Tottenham have gone from “boring” to “terrific”. In just over a week.

Talk about changing your mind as often as your underpants.

Still, they’re quite right. Spurs have stormed to an away win in Europe, earned a draw against Man U and cleaned up on points after travelling the length and breadth of England – all in the space of 10 days.

Ask me, that’s trophy winning form that is.

(Calm down, I’m joking, we all know that right now only Gooners can dream about gazing up at an open-topped bus packed with men in club leisurewear.)

No, what it really is, is hard work.

And I’m not the only one who thinks that way.

This week poor old toptastic Arsenal will have had to play against Everton on Sunday, in Europe on Wednesday and, gulp, against some team from Manchester on Saturday.

All because they’re going to be on television. No wonder Arsene Wenger wants a bunch of wonks in suits called an “ethics committee” to look into such matters.

I would too if my club had to play three big games in the space of seven days.

Hang on a minute. Isn’t that what Spurs did last week, will do again this week and again the week after?

And haven’t Arsenal got nine days off after Saturday while we play every three or four days right up until the new year?

Where’s the call for an ethics committee to look into that? I can’t hear one, but maybe that’s because right now, all terrific Tottenham fans can hear are Arsenal bums squeaking – because they’re finally about to play teams that might give them a game…
CATHERINE ETOE