Published: 18 December, 2014

ARSENAL by Richard Osley

THE column is called The Crow, and each week we exaggerate every small crumb of comfort. 

But here’s some real talk: Thierry Henry was the greatest footballer the Premiership has ever seen. Anybody who says otherwise is just a jealous nob. No returns. 

It was just the sheer number of goals he scored, it was the style with which he scored them. They weren’t all deflections and penalties à la Frank Lampard. 

There are too many to list in full: the break­away goal he scored to defeat Real Madrid in the Bernabeu, the flip and fly waaazzzzup goal against Man Utd, the quick free kick against Chelsea, ho ho ho, the one where he ran the length of the pitch against Spurs taking them all on single-handed, the back-heel goal against Charlton, the comeback cameo against Leeds in the cup, the long shots, the volleys, the amazing pace.

He was the ultimate, the showman of our times, who no other so-called hero at any other club has matched. Some have run him close, but what sets Thierry apart in the modern game is his genuine support for the club. 

He gave Arsenal the best years of the club, could be seen supporting them from afar when he was elsewhere, and then came back and wore the strip again. Name one player in the history of the Premier League who has spoken as affectionately about their favourite club, the club they played for, as Thierry has. 

The league is full of mercenaries, money-grabbers, playing for teams they didn’t even know existed when they were growing up. Thierry was the exception to the rule. A gooner for life. His retirement this week is more than a reason to look up those classic goals, those crazy tricks, the unforgettable knee slides. He made all our lives richer.

SPURS by Catherine Etoe

AS it’s nearly Christmas and we’re supposed to set aside the Scrooge- like behaviour we exhibit every other day of the year, I guess I ought to add my twopenneth to the mountains of tributes laid at Thierry Henry’s door since his retirement from top-flight football in America (not sure if that’s a tautology or an oxymoron, I always get the two mixed up).

Anyway, here goes – so long Tez and thanks for the cardigans. What? Aww, you don’t think that Thierry does a nice line in cardigans? Well I do. Then again, I used to think that about Val Doonican and I have as much dress sense as a 13-year-old boy so it may not be the best compliment I can pay him. So I’ll take it back and we’ll leave it at that. 

Instead I’ll pay a few more compliments to Harry Kane. 

Not too many, mind, because… ho, ho, no… since the lad scored his 12th goal of the season, everyone is suddenly tipping him to be England’s saviour. 

Nice early Christmas pressie for him, obviously, but I’d rather Harry didn’t go down the Raheem “a bit tired” Sterling route and was left to get his head down for his club.

Which he did against Swansea, as did Christian Eriksen, the pair of them running 8.2 miles, the Dane even having the legs to score our late-late winner. 

Now we all know that as annoying goals go there’s nothing more annoying than a late winner and it’s great to be the most annoying team so far this season. 

But for the sake of our digestion this festive period, please Spurs, grant us one wish…and finish teams off in the first half.