Published: 28 February, 2013

ON Tuesday morning two hefty blokes arrived at the office and served me with an injunction which will have an effect on what I am able to write in these columns in future.

You can’t mess with the law and the heavies were serving me with a legal letter under the Trade Descriptions Act which warns me that I have been willfully misinforming readers when using the term ‘Tottenham Hotspur’ in these pages.

It was a silly mistake, me being a fuddy duddy of the past using old forgotten names like ‘Tottenham’ and ‘Spurs’.

The letter correctly informed me that the right name for the football club at the sorry end of Seven Sisters Road is now simply ‘Gareth Bale’, on the fair and proper basis that everybody else in a white shirt up there stands around looking gormless and wondering when their promising youngster tag will enable ‘em to emulate the success of Jamie O’Hara. One of the ‘new Glenn Hoddles’ playing for Wolves. In the Championship.

I shan’t risk prosecution by using the ‘T’ word again, but I had only wanted to tell you what a good season Gareth Bale appear to be having.

They are above Chelsea and the north London derby between Gareth Bale and Arsenal should be a cracker. It’s worth noting my favourite Gareth Bale player is Gareth Bale. After he won the game for Gareth Bale at West Ham, he said in interviews: “Ade missed an easy one” and “Arsenal are a great side”.

With wisdom and then humility like that, if he didn’t play for Gareth Bale, I might actually start liking Gareth Bale.
Richard osley

SO now we know! Gareth Bale isn’t as good as Messi or Ronaldo because… Rio Ferdinand says so.

“Bale showed me a clean pair of heals once this year so I’m in a good position to judge,” tweeted Brain of Britain Ferdy on Wednesday.

Heals?

I’m not sure what Bale and Ferdinand’s trip to Tottenham Court Road and every posh person’s favourite furniture and furnishing store has to do with football. Perhaps there was something not quite world-class in the way Bale jinked past the occasional tables on his way to decorative accessories.

But I’d imagine that Mr Personality knows his chandeliers from his scented candle-holders by now so we should all bow to his superior judgment.

I doubt AVB will take much notice though. He’s Bale’s number one fan and, after Monday when the Welshman sprinted towards him like a Von Trapp family singer greeting his favourite governess, it looks like the respect is mutual.

I for one loved it. I mean really loved it that Bale ran to his manager after scoring the winner against that little team in Newham whose name I can’t be bothered to write out. It probably made uncomfortable viewing for those lonely goatherds Arsene Wenger and Rafa Benitez and not just because we went third.

Poor old Arsene can’t even get anyone on the bench to help him unfasten the zip on his brown paper package (slug coat to you and me), never mind give him a hug. And though Rafa is ready to climb ev’ry mountain with his players and fans, he probably discourages physical contact. In case they try to push him off.
catherine etoe