Published: 12 May, 2011

ARSENAL
I’VE decided everybody is rubbish at everything. 

Arsenal are rubbish when they are playing any team other than Manchester United. Chelsea are rubbish when they are actually playing Manchester United. Spurs are rubbish too. One minute Harry Redknapp was telling us all how his team could win the league, the next he’s “praaaaaad” of a team that’s failed to finish in the top four. 

Manchester City are rubbish – all that money and they were virtually outplayed by rubbish Spurs in the second half. Rubbish Liverpool are rubbish for only deciding to turn up for the second half of the season. Fulham are rubbish for being 3-0 down to Liverpool inside 15 minutes. West Ham. Rubbish, full stop. 

So are Wigan, Wolves, Blackpool and Blackburn Rovers. Don’t feel smug, West Brom – you are rubbish for getting smashed in your derby match against rubbish Wolves. Everton are rubbish for always promising to be better than they are. Bolton are boring rubbish. Birmingham ditto. One League Cup and then they hardly win a game for ever more. Aston Villa have been rubbish since Barry and Milner left. Sunderland are rubbishy rubbish. Stoke play rubbish rugby and Newcastle bang on about their rubbish history.

So in this rubbish football world, the least rubbish team wins. That’s Manchester United this year, who were rubbish (they lost to Arsenal) but slightly less rubbish than the rest. 
RICHARD OSLEY

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR
IT was a weird feeling watching Spurs at Man City on Tuesday. 

The macabre sight of power-hungry money men plotting their assault on European booty, while Tottenham and Harry Redknapp pondered what could have been, was palpable. Do I want Europa League football next season? My heart says yes but my head says no! Thursday night football means Premier League matches played on a Sunday, and I play golf on Sundays. No really, it’s almost a poisoned chalice and for the already financially burdened fan an expense they can do without. What I want now is a season of consolidation that enables Harry to get players challenging at the highest level, without distraction.  

The City fans were visibly worried because, with all their money, Spurs had more of the ball than they did and arguably the better chances despite an injury-ravaged side.  

Talking injuries, Blackpool’s Charlie Adam is said not to be, “that kind of player” but Saturday’s season-ending tackle on Gareth Bale proves otherwise. 

So where do we go from here? 

To Liverpool of course! As a football fan I love what they’ve done this season. As a Spurs fan I’d love to beat them in their own backyard. Yet, as I contemplate a campaign that has dribbled its way to the end, I cannot subscribe to the dissatisfaction some fans are feeling. For no matter whom you support, whether they win things or not, football’s a journey not a destination.
TONY DALLAS