Published: 1 May, 2014

SPURS by Catherine Etoe

PRODUCTIVITY in the UK fell by 75 per cent on Tuesday when the BBC website stunned us all with the ‘breaking news’ that John Terry and Petr Cech had been spotted duh, duh, duh… at training. That wasn’t all ! We also learned, ‘more to follow’.

Accordingly, three-quarters of the nation* held its collective breath and downed tools while they waited for ‘more’ news. What could it be? Actually, I don’t know. I didn’t wait for the story to develop because I couldn’t give two hoots about Chelsea, the driver of their charabanc, his clippy, or their Champions League match. Mostly because it’s Chelsea, but also because they’re boring. Anyway there are far more interesting things to think about. Like counting how many people Tim Sherwood has fooled with his clever wheeze of wearing a gilet under his suit jacket. Or working out how to feel about Gareth Bale’s decision to quit Spurs now his new team are in the Champions League final. But hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Whoever faxed over the £40million and £1 offer from Arsenal to Liverpool for Luis Suarez knows this. I wonder if whoever decided that the beating we got from Liverpool meant Andre Villas Boas had to go, knows this. Yep, overachieving Liverpool have surprised everyone this season. And of those clubs who can win the league now, I guess a fair percentage of the nation won’t mind too much if it turns out to be them.

*Based on my exclusive sample of four blokes in high-viz jackets digging a hole at the end of my road, three of them stood anxiously checking their phones, while one poked at a bit of Tarmac with a pikestaff.

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