Published: 31 December, 2014

ARSENAL by Richard Osley

THE BBC named Lewis Hamilton as the “Sports Personality Of The Year” just before Christmas, a man whose personality shines through his earrings and rude-boy caps, and the row about where he pays his tax. He drives a car. He dates a Pussycat Doll. The Beeb really should change the name of that award. If it’s about personality, winning Wimbledon like Andy Murray admirably did the year before would not be enough. Because his robotic tones do not meet the requirements for personality. Similarly, Sir Chris Hoy. Well done to him on all the medals and all, but personality? It should be called “sportsperson of the year”, not “sports personality”, for high-achieving dullards keep claiming it. 

And yet, personality is important to making sure we all keep watching, and it’s why I’m sad it looks like Lukas Podolski looks like he will be leaving Arsenal very soon. He could win a personality prize every year. I don’t really care if he doesn’t defend that well – nor do a lot of people at the club at the moment. 

Poldi just brings so much fun to the team. The time he Twittered pictures of his sight-seeing tour of London. The time he soaked Arsene Wenger with champagne. The time he took victorious selfies at White Hart Lane. The time he tweeted “hell will freeze over before this transfer would happen” when he was linked with a move to Spurs. The time he photobombed Alexis Sanchez as he collected a player of the month award by leaping around in the background. He’s a star. I’ll miss him if he goes.

SPURS by Catherine Etoe

WELL it is nice to know that Spurs’ Christmas fixtures were turkey-free this year – unless you want to count the decision not to award us a penalty against Moan United. Woah, there Wazza. When we said we wanted you to be the answer to our World Cup woes we didn’t mean the one that kicks off at Twickenham in September. 

Now, we have to admit that after officials failed to spot our stonewall penalty at the Lane, we almost started jumping up and down and accusing Uncle Tom Cobley and all of conducting some sort of horrible campaign against our precious club. But then we realised that only a complete and utter berk would do that. Well, when your team are on a super-duper unbeaten run in the league, even when they’ve had to play eight games in 25 days, you don’t have too much to complain about. (Unless you’re Louis Van Gaal, that is, and then you moan about how your team are “struggling for life” because of the ridiculous fixture congestion in December; calm down dear, some of us have been playing in Europe, not just getting a charabanc to London and the south coast.) 

Anyway, the best presents we received in December were the blossoming of our toppermost goalscorer Harry Kane and the continued excellence of Christian Eriksen and Hugo Lloris. No chance of Spurs getting labelled a one-man team this season, eh? That said, two men and a goalkeeper aren’t quite enough to see us through, so I guess it’s goodbye 2014 and hello January transfer window. Here’s to a good one, readers…