Published: 6 March 2014

ARSENAL by Richard Osley

ON the internet, there are Arsenal fans staying up way past my bedtime arguing with each other about Arsene Wenger, refusing to blink in their grating row over whether the man is a genius or a not.

It is almost obsessional for some, the length of their energy-draining, often-misspelt messageboard debate not being helped by Arsenal’s seasonal see-saw fortunes, where one minute they are total football magicians at the top of the league and the next playing like loafers and losing to Stoke City. You have the “Arsene Knows Best (AKB)” brigade versus the “Wenger Out” mob, tearing at each other from within like Cain and Abel, the Sugababes or a pair of Miliband brothers.

I’ve lost track of what I think. Is he a professor? Or a broken grandfather clock? Fudge knows, these days. Toss a coin.

The AKBs did have questions to answer on Sunday when Yaya Toure floated in a purely brilliant match-turning goal in the League Cup final for Manchester City, who by the way celebrated with an overexcited enthusiasm that missed the obvious point that a team that costs £900million to construct is, more than likely, going to win most things.

But Wenger did pass on Yaya when he was a trainee at Arsenal and instead chose his brother, Kolo, who always looks like a man panicked by the panic he is about to create.

The argument over Wenger’s true worth may be settled on Saturday. Beat Everton and get to a Wembley semi-final and it’s AKB. Lose and the WO mob will be unbearably loud for a very, very long time.
 

TOTTENHAM by CATHERINE ETOE

I ALMOST fell off my Lazyboy when Jose Mourinho revealed in an interview that some of his players at Real Madrid queued up to check themselves in the mirror before leaving the dressing room.

Strewth, next the wonks who run football will be telling us that Cristiano Ronaldo uses hair product and Gareth Bale’s ears didn’t magically flatten themselves overnight. Some vanity projects are acceptable, though, such as Sandro The Beast’s pointy beard which is so terrifyingly bizarre it may be the only reason we’ve come out on top of our last two games.

I don’t mean it – Spurs have actually emerged victorious in Europe and the league because Emmanuel Adebayor is now prepared to run his legs off for 90 minutes and we’ve developed the ability to, as Tim Sherwood says, “win ugly”. Admittedly, scrappy three-pointers are not really the Tottenham way, but they say all top sides should be capable of it if they’re to challenge for the Premier League title as, ahem, Spurs are this season.

Oh all right, the title may be beyond us just like it’s beyond the Gunners after Stoke ensured they’re not-so-toptastic-Arsenal any more. And OK, we might face a battle to finish fourth now Liverpool, bolstered by the form of Luis Suarez (a man who has played ugly a few times in his career) have cantered on.

But at least with the Sherwood in charge, our players should to be able to look themselves in the mirror come May and know that they’ve given it a go.
Mourinho awaits. COYS.

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