ARSENAL
GO on say it: You think I’m feeling so desperate about Arsenal’s lack of trophies in recent years, I have to resort to talking about the Arsenal Ladies team… which, people, let me tell you with much pride are in the semi-finals of the Champions League after dismissing Torres this week. Yes, Torres. They beat Torres. [Insert jokes about £50million strikers here, as many as you like.]

Go on say it, mock our pride in the Ladies team, but you'll be the sexist, you’re the dirty sexist. The people who think we shouldn’t celebrate how fantastic they are, are the same people who say ooooh, is she going to do a Ravenelli when she celebrates a goal, take it down on your chest luv, and aren’t the goalkeepers rubbish with the soccerettes.

OK, the goalkeepers in the women’s game are a little suspect but you’re still only one step away from being one of the dunderheads who stand around in the background of the Top Gear studio smirking at Jeremy Clarkson cussing cars.

That’s you.

The worst kind of dunderhead.

Open your eyes, fellas. The women’s football was one of the best things about the Olympics, certainly better than the men’s tournament. By the way, if you look at how littered, dug up, scaffolded and smelly Camden Town is right now it should hit home there will be no Olympics in our city this summer.

I digress.

Just because the Tottenham  Hotspurellas – actually that sounds a bit hashtag everydaysexism, I apologise – are too terrible to be talked about, that doesn’t mean the women’s game isn’t important. It never stopped Spurs fans supporting their man-team.  Arsenal Ladies have bossed their field for so long. I hope they now go all the way.
RICHARD OSLEY

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR
CALL me unpatriotic, but I let out a squeak of joy at the sight of the England team-sheet on Tuesday. None of my Spurs boys were in the starting line-up and I was glad.

Sure, it’s highly-likely that England would have won if Roy Hodgson had thrown Tottenham players into the fray against Montenegro.

But Jermain Defoe beating San Marino was good enough for me.

Nope, I’d rather the Spurs lads warmed the bench and came home to Enfield with their limbs and confidence intact than England got three points. After all, where does it get you? Usually when England qualify for some big championship we lose the opener, play like lions in the decider, and go out sobbing after cruelly losing in the quarters.

Meantime, we’ve all had to endure months of speculation about the state of Wayne Rooney’s big toe and how many Tia Marias and Ryvitas the Wags can imbibe without unbuttoning their designer trousersuits. If you ask me, it’s better to support Wales or San Marino and never have to fret about any of this in the first place.

Anyway, I’m not the only one to worry about star players when they run out for their country.

They say Alex Ferguson might send a private jet across the globe to collect some of his internationals. Fur Coat No Knickers FC probably sent a luxury cruise ship for their favourites. Reading, a four-seater mini-cab. 

And Arsenal?

Dunno about most of them, but after Dadgate, I suspect Wotsit Szczesny will be lucky to get a felt tip pen, a strip of cardboard and a note telling him which side of the motorway to thumb his lift from.
CATHERINE ETOE