Published: 12 April, 2012
by RICHARD OSLEY

IT could be a low budget horror film: The Curse of the Severed Squad.  John Hurt as Arsene Wenger – no not Gerard Depardieu you racists, anybody can play anybody in the movies.

In fact, let’s have Daniel Craig or Kiefer Sutherland as Wenger.

The cameras roll and every time an Arsenal player tells the Kiefer Sutherland Wenger they are leaving the club, the Kiefer Wenger whispers: “You will regret it, nobody ever does any better… Mwaahhahaha.”

Panto roll of thunder, lightning bolts and fade to black.

The film progresses with each player stumbling around, jinxed.

Because that’s what happens in real life.

Trace it back to Overmars and Petit, brilliant at Arsenal, forgettable at Barcelona. Vieira never really bettered himself.

Hleb made a fool of himself at the Camp Nou.

Adebayor went on to be offside for other teams.

Clichy had been hustled by Gibbs.

Henry always seemed desperate to return.

Cole became a hate figure and missed out on the best years of Abramovich’s Chelsea.

Gilberto wiled away his days in the sun, Kolo was banned, Pires broke his leg, Jeffers ended up in Australia, Sol got lost on Tyneside, Anelka didn’t ever really find a loving home and nobody heard of Cygan again.

You could maybe make a case for Van Bronckhorst and Lass Diarra, while Yaya Toure was one that got away.

But in general Wenger signing the release form has been a curse.

Absolutely nobody, however, has had their sheepish buttcheeks returned to them on a plate quite in the way hexed Samir Nasri did this week.

Mikel Arteta, football thanks you!

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