Published: 11 October, 2012
by CATHERINE ETOE

IMAGINE being good at football, I mean like really, really good at football. I don’t mean good as in being bigger than everybody else at school or scoring a few goals for a hungover pub team.
I mean actually, really good, as in even better than me.
I’m talking about being among the select few who have the opportunity and aptitude to hone their initial promise, train for hours, stay fit, learn the game and eventually prove good enough to play in the Premiership and then even your country.
So – just so we’re clear about what I’m asking you to imagine – you’re really, really good at football. Now, what are you going to do? What of the three available paths would you take?
1. Take to Twitter: This is where, not content with being admired as a footballer with undeniable skill, you feel you have to alter people’s perceptions of you by spilling your angriest thoughts onto the internet. Step forward: Ashley Cole. The finest left-back since Kenny Sansom and all people talk about is whether he called the FA twats or not.
2. Dive. This is where, not content with being admired as a footballer with undeniable skill, you feel you have to alter people’s perceptions of you by flinging yourself to the ground.
Step forward: Gareth Bale. The finest Spurs player since Ruel Fox and people have to discuss whether he dives.
3. Smile. This is where, not content with being a footballer with undeniable skill, you just enjoy the game with a beaming grin.  Step forward: supergoal maestro Santi Cazorla.
That’s the kind of player I’d be if I was really, really good at football.
Richard Osley

LIKE most of the country I nearly crashed my bicycle when I heard about Ashley Cole’s potty mouthed diatribe against the FA. 
“How many thousands had re-tweeted it before the Chelsea twit pressed the delete button with his big fat thumbs?” I asked our Sports Ed.
“Why, almost as many as write into this newspaper every week to complain about your ribbing of Dave Giroud,” he replied.
All right, I take it back. After watching Arsenal beat Man at C&A Sam Allardyce’s West Ham, it’s official. Giroud is Thierry Henry in disguise and I was a fool to miss it. Which is what the Frenchman has been doing every week. But let’s not start all that again.
I was right about our boy Caulker though, did you see his goal on Sunday? It was Koscielny-like in its simplicity. But let’s not start that again either.
Best to talk about what is being touted as Spurs second best Premier League start ever. Well, it’s better than September when we were told we were having our worst start to a Premier League season for four years.
Statistics eh? Boo to them!
One stat that really mattered this week was the end of our goalkeeper Brad Friedel’s record of 310 consecutive Premier League appearances.
Either AVB is one tough cookie or Hugo Lloris is an even bigger moaner than Fergie, Wenger and Joey Barton combined. Let’s hope it’s the former, because if the Cole saga says anything about our game, it’s that player power has gone far enough.
Catherine Etoe