IN Arsene Wenger we trust… in good old Arsene, the magician, the professor, this wizard, this cleverclogs of  brainbox, we trust. In Arsene we trust. That’s what the most loyal fans always say.

It sounds better than that sappy, weird “I love Martin Jol and Martin Jol loves me” mantra that the Spurs fans used to cultishly recite to themselves in the dark a few years ago. (Yeah, you did – it was very silly.)

The truth is, “in Arsene we trust” is a little white lie.

A lot of us don’t really, honestly, truly trust Arsene Wenger to do absolutely everything we would like him to do. In Arsene we trust to construct to construct a title winning defence? Not really. In Arsene we trust to sign a really, really impressive striker? Erm, well, now you’re asking…
In Arsene we trust to make sure the club finishes fourth? Be right back on that, I’m just got someone on the other line.

Despite all this, some people keep saying in Arsene we trust over. The reason is that it hurts to see the great man being bashed, clubbed from all sides for being an idealistic but out-of-step old puffin.

The same bumblefaces who moan that money and Man City have ruined football seem to go out of their way to mock a man who has tried to win stuff in style and with a smaller pyre of money on the burn. Do the math(s), you can’t have it both way.

There is now only just formula for success. The big trophies that were handed out last year to Man City and Chelsea, the country’s biggest spenders over the last decade.

Until Arsenal pay (and fans have to ask whether they really want a whole new team bought for in such grotesque style), in Arsene we may trust, but not expect.
Richard osley

SHUSH a minute. Can you hear that sound? That rustling, fluttering noise? Oh that. It’s just the tumbleweed floating around the trophy cabinet at the Emirates. You can hear it a bit better now the boos have stopped bouncing around the stadium walls.

So there we have it, first Bradford City, then Blackburn Rovers. Hmm, sorry lads, but when Arsene Wenger set the Double as the target for the season, I don’t think getting knocked out of two cup competitions by two lower league teams was quite what he had in mind.

“Arsenal have taken a real smack in the face. With a wet kipper,” thundered Gunner hero Martin Keown on Saturday. He should know, back in the day he won the FA Cup – with Arsenal (ask your parents kids, they might even remember it).

The wet kipper thing must have worried Jack Wilshere because everyone’s favourite British Bulldog sent out a Churchillian Champions League rallying call on Monday. “Let’s look to Chelsea for inspiration,” he declared, seemingly oblivious to the fact that even Chelsea don’t look to Chelsea for inspiration any more.

Arsenal tried it, though, allowing Bayern to outplay them in every department. Just like Chelsea except without the fluke of a penalty shoot-out to settle it. That’s because there’s another chance for Arsenal to wet kipper their fans in a few weeks when they fly out to Munich. Cheer up chumps, Wilshere reckons you can do it. “We’re man enough,” he mumbled on Tuesday night, in between staring at the floor and poking a bit of carpet with his big toe.

Course you are Jack. It’s the rest of them you have to worry about.
catherine etoe