by CATHERINE ETOE
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WHAT a difference a few months can make. Back in October,
the football world (well half of Hertfordshire at least)
were choking on their prawn sandwiches with anticipation
over the clash of the century – Man U v Arsenal.
We all know what a damp squib of a day that turned out to
be, even if Master Potato Head Rooney did us all a favour
and turned the Invincibles into Invisibles.
So fast forward to Saturday, when the also-rans go head-to-head
again and who is eagerly anticipating the match?
The old lady who has sent me hate mail this season for being
a “specky Spurs scumbag”.
Freddie Ljungberg lookey-likey Richard Osley on the off-chance
he might get to compare washboard stomachs with the underpant
pin-up as he did at the Town Hall last May.
And the owner of the Malcolm Glazer effigy factory that
opened for business in Moss Side last week.
In short, no-one. So let your players stuff pepperoni down
the nape of each other’s necks, your defenders compare
notes on how much tea Peter Kenyon can sup in one sitting
and your managers groan about how much money they won’t
have to spend on players next season.
Because if we’re not there, we don’t care.
by RICHARD OSLEY
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THOSE brainwashed divs at Tottenham seem satisfied with a
ninth place finish – again.
The won-nothing players have flown to Mauritius for a sunshine
tour, while the fans have been hoodwinked into thinking next
season will be better with another rash of no-name signings.
At any other club, to finish in mid-table obscurity for 25
seasons on the trot would be a cause for major concern. But
at White Hart Lane it seems to be something to celebrate.
They delight in their complete mediocrity.
Big bonce manager Martin Jol even claims he was proud of Tottenham’s
efforts.
It’s all so routine. You get to the middle of May and
Spurs are on the beach patting themselves on the back for
their ninth place non-achievement, while Arsenal are still
fighting out the FA Cup.
It wouldn’t surprise me if the Mauritian hotels were
booked last year sometime on the assumption that Tottenham
wouldn’t be in Cardiff this weekend.
The flipside, of course, is that Arsenal can always sort out
their Millennium Stadium arrangements early – so routine
it now is that the Gunners will play there a couple of times
each season.
I rarely crow but this is a routine is that worth celebrating.
And if Arsenal beat Moan United on Saturday – you won’t
be able to shut me up all summer.
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