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| Penguin’s webbed feet slip |
 ACCORDING
to the appendix in Tears of a Clown, the book Pascal Cygan wrote
while kicking his heels on the Arsenal bench last month, there are
four basic types of clown.
There’s the Whiteface (most intelligent), the Auguste (least
intelligent), the Happy Hobo (funniest) and the Robert Pires (most
embarrassed). That’s right, Pascal gave The Penguin an entry
all to himself after he graduated from his summer school for clowns
ahead of star pupil Philippe ‘The Witless’ Senderos.
What Pascal, or Auguste as his pals call him, didn’t expect
was that Bob would repay him with the biggest display of tomfoolery
since the Royal Family appeared in It’s A Knockout.
 I
hear troupe leader Whiteface Wenger wasn’t too chuffed by his
antics. Neither were rubbish Man City who put their half dozen brain
cells together and decided Bob and his Happy Hobo chum Thierry were
dissing them with their spot kick shenanigans.
The truth is that the Easilybeatables know the title is gone so
they thought they’d try something new – entertain the
fans. Not sure it worked given the gormless looks on Gooner faces
behind never ready David James’s goal.
But at least your recent visit to Sunderland, home of football’s
true Clown Prince legend Len Shackleton, gave you something to smile
about.
Because if you can’t fill that new stadium of yours by charging
£50 a pop, you’ll definitely get bums on seats for a
fiver.
 Talk
about trying to pass the ball into the net!
Surely, trying a passing move on a penalty is something only the
footballing magicians of Grimsby Town should try.
But being the best striker in the world, Thierry Henry thought he
and his pal Robert Pires would give it a go. It didn’t come
off. Big deal. The league should celebrate the fact they tried it.
No other team has got the same bottle – no other team stands
up to the boredom of a league won by a club that spends £500
million on players and thinks they have achieved something.
 (Try
winning trophies with David Hillier and Steve Morrow and then come
back to me, Jose).
That’s why the goals that you see at Highbury are twice as
good as the ones you see at White Hart Lane – apart from this
Saturday when the Gunners take their tricks and treats to the shady
end of the Seven Sisters Road.
Clearly jealous of the new Arsenal stadium now dominating the north
London skyline – Spurs chairman Daniel Levy has muttered about
Tottenham moving into the Olympic Stadium after the London games
in 2012.
Perhaps the history nerds who have written in (see page 39) about
Arsenal’s historic move from Woolwich to Highbury – it
happened more than 90 years ago, kids – should take note. I
for one would be happy to see Tottenham totter off to east London.
You’re just a small club in West Ham.
• Send your reply to sport@camdennewjournal.co.uk
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YOUR SHOUT
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Boring,
boring nomads
• RICHARD Osley invites us to explain why Arsenal have
not been better than Spurs in football history.
First, Arsenal rarely win anything in Europe: just one trophy, the
Cup-Winners Cup in 1994, in their history, while Spurs have won
three: the Cup-Winners Cup in 1963 and the Uefa Cup in 1972 and
1984.
Secondly, the long-term Arsenal goal drought: Thierry Henry has
just set a new club goal record of 186. But this would be mediocre
by Spurs standards: Bobby Smith scored 208 in his Tottenham career
and Jimmy Greaves scored 266 in his.
Does any Arsenal fan seriously think Henry will score another 80
goals for the Gunners?
Poor old Arsenal!
Robert Pellegrinetti
Oak Village
NW5
• SO Arsenal have never been relegated (Cry baby Wenger
still beats dunderhead Jol hands down, October 20)? Maybe, but you
failed to mention that Arsenal only gained their position in the
original First Division illegally.
When soccer resumed after World War I, the League decreed that it
would be increased by two clubs, meaning the first four clubs in
Division Two would be promoted.
Enter Sir Henry Norris, Arsenal chairman, together with the Liverpool
chairman (also chairman of the League) who both suggested no automatic
promotion for the two extra clubs but a vote by other clubs.
Result – Arsenal were voted in although only finishing sixth,
while Tottenham, who finished third, did not get in although they
won the Second Division the next season with a then record number
of points.
This was won in a fair way, not with the deviousness of a crooked
chairman and his mercenaries.
You keep on about Grimsby, well what about Wrexham, Swindon Town,
Walsall? Go back over the history of both clubs and Arsenal have
lost more cup games to lower division sides than Tottenham.
Alan G Bryan
MacDonald Road
N19
• RE Richard Osley’s comments: let’s give
Jol’s ugly older brother a true history lesson.
Firstly, in our history, we have Tottenham, the area where our roots
and traditions began. All other clubs (apart from one) represent
the actual place where they were founded. Except for Arsenal; there
is no such place! We all know they are actually Woolwich Arsenal,
but obviously did not like the area, so moved on – so please
from now on, let’s call them the Woolwich Nomads (WN).
Now on to the football. Tottenham were the first team in modern
times to do the Double, the first British team to win a European
trophy, to win two different European competitions, three European
trophies (only two for WN) and a European cup semi-final (from just
one attempt). And all done with style.
If the Woolwich Nomad potato head had any football honour he would
not brag about trophies won by the original defensive WN’s
1930s team, the ultra boring Double side of 1971 and the Wimbledon-style
thugs of George Graham!
What do you expect from a club with no roots, no style (and now
no Englishmen).
PJ Manton
Farrier Street, NW1 |
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Get to work on your tannin
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