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| Rio watches from the stands
– and so do the Gunners |
 I
HEAR Sol Campbell finally nailed a role in Bend it Like Beckham
II on Saturday. The director was so impressed by the wannabe luvvie’s
crocked defender routine that he snapped him up for a hobble-off
part. Apparently.
His team mates probably weren’t too happy. Bobby the penguin
Pires and grandpa Dennis Bergkamp were all set for their biggest
match of the season on Monday.
 But
once Larry Olivier was injured, the two weren’t allowed to
run out with your 16-year-olds against our 16-year-olds. That reserves
victory over my Spurs had you gormless Gooners prancing around like
you’d won the World Cup on Tuesday.
Excuse the Osley speak, but you were so chuffed I half expected
you to get the open topped bus out for a victory tour of Stevenage.
But while they were scraping you lot off the ceiling, us Lilywhite
fans were busy watching an Arsenal-less England. And while Sol was
off fluffing, sorry, practising his lines in front of the mirror
on Wednesday, he was being upstaged by Ledley King.
The Spurs skipper made Thierry Henry look like an out of work extra
from a football boot advert in Euro 2004. If the Frenchman watched
him steal the show against Poland, he’d do well to do a Sol
when the real north London derby comes around.
 HIS
name is Rio and he watches from the stands…
Well, he would do if England’s first choice centre back Sol
Campbell wasn’t always injured. I’m no Sven lover –
he has plenty of those already and I’m still puzzling over
why he thought bringing on Owen Hargreaves when we were losing to
Northern Ireland would turn things around.
 But
Eriksson won major Osley points on Saturday when he dumped Rio for
Sol. It’s about time somebody saw sense, I’ve been telling
everyone Rio is rubbish for years.
Rio is a big head, he is overrated, he is ugly and he plays for
Manchester United. I hate the way he jumps over players as they
celebrate goals and I’d be happy if he never played for England
again.
Deep breath. Clockwatching at 3 o’clock the other day I came
up with a team of current Premiership players I hate the most –
we’ve all done it, even if we were 12 at the time – and
Ferdinand was one of the first names on the pad.
FYI: Schmeichel, Gary Neville, Mills, Ferdinand, Phil Neville, Barton,
Michael Brown, Bowyer, Ronaldo, Robbie Keane, Sheringham, capt.
I know Schmeichel isn’t current but I will never dislike a
goalkeeper as much as that red-nosed, chipped-by-everyone rubbish-pundit
twit. I said twit. Rant over. I know you like constructive arguments.
Oops. Almost forgot. Grimsby-watch: They lost to Wycombe at the
weekend.
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