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Friday 30th September, 2005

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THE CROW - By CATHERINE ETOE & RICHARD OSLEY

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Arsenal might be in with a chance – but not of the league

I SEE Arsene Wenger has been wandering around town wearing his big ideas pants this week. “Give us points for goals,” he begged not long after that dull as ditchwater affair over at Upton Park.
Unfortunately for Arsene, or Baldrick as the other football managers affectionately call him, his cunning plan fell on deaf ears.

Not because it smacked of the kind of nonsense only a desperate fool running a football team staring the bottom half of the table in the face could have come up with. But because we’d all dozed off after that bore draw with the only London team the easilybeatables looked likely to easily beat this season.
Still, you have to admire Balders’ spirit.
There he is, having to watch while his sophisticated counterpart at the sunny end of Seven Sisters Road basks in fourth in the table glory. But does he start spitting prawn sarnies at cheeky chappy reporters like that old has been Fergie did at Old Trafford this week?
No, instead he was almost dancing in the aisles at Upton Park. Apparently Arsenal drew to West Ham the year the Gunners won the double.
So if Wenger’s no-hopers can avoid teams from smelly fishing villages in the cup and Chelski believe the hype that they’ve already won the league and naff off to Siberia for the winter, you might be in with a chance. Then again, you might not.

QUESTION. Does anybody out there remember Julian Joachim? The journeyman striker scored a few goals for Leicester City a while back. Some might remember him playing for other dull Midlands teams like Aston Villa and Coventry City. I always thought of him as an average footballer, not much more.
But it turns out I was wrong.
After all, surely only a highly-paid football superstar would be able to do what he did on Saturday afternoon.

That’s right! – Joachim scored against mighty, mighty Grimsby Town, a mammoth feat that even Tottenham Hotspur couldn’t manage in 90 minutes of huffing and puffing last week.
Now scoring for lowly Boston United, maybe Martin ‘head like a Pumpkin – voice like a Grolsch beer ad’ Jol should make Joachim his 250th signing for Spurs.
Ok, so that’s a long, laboured sarcastic intro just to get another mention of Tottenham’s defeat to Grimsby in the paper.
But be warned I WILL mention it every week.
And Jol’s head does resemble a pumpkin and he has signed hundreds of no-mark players. Who is Paul Stalteri? Who cares?
Of course, the main talking point of the week is Arsenal. Isn’t it funny how people are quick to run down the Gunners’ performance in Europe but so slow to praise them when things go right? Two wins out of the two in the Champions League, Ajax put to the sword and I’m starting to think: if Liverpool can do it….

Look for vintage not barcode

WE are in the middle of a revolution in food. Farmers’ markets and small shops specialising in naturally produced and seasonal produce are challenging the supermarkets.
When it comes to wine, however, we are going in the opposite direction.
FULL STORY...

... and another thing....

Typical isn’t it? You leave the country for a few days and when you get back everything you thought you knew is wrong.
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