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| Spurs are a sinking ship after
being holed by the Mariners |
 I
WOULD like to take this opportunity to thank those of you who thoughtfully
texted me with travel tips on Tuesday night.
I haven’t fathomed out why my witty friends and Richard ‘the
smug’ Osley chose to educate me about that quaint little fishing
village called Grimsby, but I’m glad they did. Because there’s
no way I’d want to spend my holidays in a place where Dutchmen
get done up like kippers, football fans are made mugs of and their
team made to look like that brown gubbins you wouldn’t want
to get on the soles of your shoes.
 Hardly
the stuff of fairytales eh?
Talking of which, football enjoyed one to remember this week with
the magnificent goalscoring return to action by a north London hero.
Yep, Spurs striker Robbie Keane certainly knows how to score. It
looks like he’s saving himself for the league though, which
makes sense given that cup competitions are a load of old pants
anyway. Although try telling that to redcurrant faced Gooners after
that late, late goal (don’t you just hate them?) saw their
chumps victorious against the team from the cowsheds. I hear a rather
nervous Clock End was in danger of smelling like one until grandpa
Dennis Bergkamp dismounted his zimmer to score the winner over FC
Thun. Which is just as well really, because losing to a team whose
annual budget wouldn’t keep your best midfielder in goggles
for a year really would stink.
 MY
old mucker Catherine Etoe this week ordered me not to mention the
cricket. No problemo.
Let’s talk about Grimsby Town instead.
Never heard of them? They are that fishy team in the bottom tier
of English football, they call it League Two but we all know it’s
really the Fourth Division.
Just say the name to yourself: Grimsby. Grimsby. Grimsby Town. The
Mariners. Even their name sounds Fourth Division.
 But
whoever they are, they stumped Tottenham on Tuesday night in the
Carling Cup qualifiers as (Arsenal and other genuinely big teams
don’t enter until the next round).
It wasn’t even as if Spurs fielded reserves. They were at full
strength!
Despite all those ‘clever’ summer signings, we can already
reasonably say that the Tottenham trophy cabinet will be empty in
May. Only the FA Cup to play for, it’s the kind of situation
that Ray Stubbs would raise his eyebrows at on Football Focus before
turning to Lawrenson before exclaiming excitedly: “What’s
going at Spurs, Mark?”
But there shouldn’t really be raised eyebrows – Spurs
always do this. They puff up their chances with lots of talk about
how they can challenge for silverware and a European place and by
the end of September they have fallen flat on their stoopid faces.
That’s me done for another week and I didn’t even mention
the cricket, Sol Campbell or how stupid Phil Neville looked as he
was beaten at Highbury on Monday night |
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