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Friday 16th September, 2005

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THE CROW - By CATHERINE ETOE & RICHARD OSLEY

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Can’t wait to make Gunners look as purple as their shirts

I DID enjoy watching my new-look Spurs make Steven Gerrard and his chumpions league cohorts look about as comfortable as men playing in their mum’s tights and stilletos on Saturday.
We may have only wound up with a point, but it keeps us up where we belong at the top end of the table and our three new boys fitted in at the Lane like a silk glove.

Over in the north-east though, Premiership dropzone candidates Arsenal were busily proving the genius of their secret plan to win the league by bringing in players with names even their mothers can’t remember. Unfortunately, the Arsenal players were not the only ones getting their knickers in a twist at the Riverside.
“We gave them two presents,” Arsene wailed after watching his easily-beatables, oops sorry, invincibles, lose to Boro and tumble yet further down the table. They’ll be sitting underneath it at this rate, grateful for scraps fed them by the few remaining teams they actually can beat. Whether West ‘back where they don’t belong’ Ham really are wetting themselves over the prospect of a visit from the redcurrants this season remains to be seen.
But I for one am looking forward to seeing the purple-shirted Gunners and their purple-faced fans at fortress White Hart Lane. Then they really will do as Arsene wants and ‘do a Liverpool’ – and I don’t mean win the Champions League.

THIS was the plan to bury the bad news of losing to Middlesbrough: Bang on about the England Ashes win and not mention football until the last sentence with a clever throwaway line. That way nobody mentions the Boro debacle.
But the open top bus celebration for the England cricketers made me think twice. I was happy Australia were sent packing and it’s true that the test matches were unusually exciting for a sport loved by wine-bibbing toffs.

Yet, by going over the top with the celebrations, the nice-but-dim cricket fans have simply exposed how rubbish our team has been for the past 17 years.
Call me a curmudgeon – but it is a disgrace that it has taken them so long to challenge Australia, not cause for a manic celebration. It reminds me of Tottenham’s OTB (open top bus) celebrations for winning the worth-nothing League Cup in 1999 – effectively a celebration of being rubbish for decades.
Meanwhile, where was the big crowd for champions Chelsea on Tuesday night for the start of their Champions League campaign?
The empty seats at Stamford Bridge told you everything about Chelsea fans – most of them began ‘supporting’ the team last year and can’t really be bothered with the less glamorous fixtures. You wouldn’t get that with Arsenal – times might be testing but a full house was guaranteed for the mighty Thun’s visit to Highbury on Wednesday. And that makes me proud.

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