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THE CROW By CATHERINE ETOE & RICHARD OSLEY
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Nothing beats watching a grown Chelsea player cry
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 WE’VE
been told for years how tedious the annual title race between Arsenal
and Manchester United has become. So isn’t it funny that when
a team comes along that breaks up the two-horse race, they are so
loathed as Chelsea are? You would have thought their Premiership
title would have been cheered by neutrals everywhere.
But you could see in the way that so many delighted in Chelsea’s
Champions League crash to Liverpool on Tuesday night that this fake
football team are actually universally despised.
 Even
Arsenal and Spurs fans united to revel in Chelsea’s downfall
– beating Mourinho has become the real ‘Wipe That Smirk
Off His Face’ campaign.
And, after the fortuitous manner in which Chelsea beat Arsenal in
the Champions League last season, wasn’t the manner of their
loss so perfect? It probably wasn’t even a goal. The only shame
was how quickly ITV cut to a break as we enjoyed John Terry, Frank
Lampard and the rest of the shaved armpit crew blubbing their eyes
out and punching the ground.
Chelsea spent £300 million more than Arsenal and basically
ended up the season with not much more than the Gunners did last
season (I don’t count the League Cup anymore). Deep down they
know that’s not a great return for such huge investment.
 YOU
would expect a decent game when European glory is on offer. But
who could have predicted that scorcher?
Yep, Spurs certainly showed their Uefa Cup credentials on Sunday
in that hotly tipped battle for seventh place with Aston Villa.
Alright Gooners, keep your hair on. Trying to finish seventh might
be not be as heady as trying to finish second come season’s
end.
But it’s more than I expected after waving goodbye to yet
another manager three months into the term. Not to mention losing
Jamie Redknapp and Dean Richards (because that would be ridiculous).
 What’s
your excuse? It was a bit chilly, Sol Campbell hurt his ankle
while practising his Othello, Jose Reyes and his mum miss Spain
and you thought Manuel ‘Birdman’ Almunia was a better
investment than Paul Robinson?
Don’t make us laugh. We’ve got Chelski and linesmen
for that. Admittedly, knowing the glory hunters have won the league
is about as welcome as a dose of shingles. But watching you dimwits
wince while the moneybags danced around the Reebok waving YOUR
plastic Premiership trophies at the telly cameras was mildly funny.
And seeing Eidur Gudjohnsen and Co cry like girls over that dodgy
goal on Tuesday night was absolutely hilarious.
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